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Letters

The best part of the day was going to the old mailbox and opening fan mail, or hate mail, as the case may be. The Letter’s Page took on a life of its own after a few months and it never stopped from there. It seems like people just wanted to outdo each other or us in terms of shock value and childish insults. We printed them all, so I suppose it worked. Here lie the best of the best. Who would win in a fight: Batman or Daredevil?

GH: Please refer this question to someone who cares. Gareb?

Crazy Wisdom Comments

Is Crazy Wisdom trying not to be funny or does it come naturally?

GH: Ouch.

Shouldn’t Crazy Wisdom be named Crazy Stupidity to better reflect the material?

GH: Strike Two

I was listening to Howard Stern the other day and Howard said something that was really funny, as usual. For a moment, it reminded me of something I read in Crazy Wisdom, and then I remembered: there isn’t anything funny in C. Wisdom.

GH: And there’s out. What’s the difference between Ca-ca, pooh-pooh, diarrhea and Crazy Wisdom?

Answer: There is no difference. It’s all crap!

GH: Why do people waste a stamp on shit like this. Next time you use words like ca-ca or pooh-pooh, at least use crayons to write the letter.

Pissing People Off: Part 1

After reading Scott Moyers column in Gray Haven, I had to write and voice my disgust with him and the rest of the unwashed male population. I’m not saying that all men are disgusting, but the ones who share his approach to hygiene are. I have met many men who share Scott’s view and I find it absolutely appalling. A previous letter from a female reader stated that she found the magazine to be a forum for men with high school mentalities and nothing more. Articles like this prove it. Pissing People Off: Part 2

Forget about men washing their hands after they urinate. There’s a bigger problem that Mr. Moyers missed entirely, and that is the washing of their privates. I don’t want to get too graphic, because this is a family magazine, but the most disgusting thing in the world is to pleasure a man orally, only to have the acrid taste of urine in your mouth. Men complain that their lovers don’t like performing this particular act...well get a clue and wash yourselves first. Maybe you’ll get some. 

Fan Mail

I know you guys tend to print the hate mail and the criticisms more than anything, just because you think they’re funny, but I just wanted to take a second and thank you all for giving me a great way to kill a few hours. Your magazine rocks! Keep up the good work!

GH: Thank you.

Dear Gray Havenites,

A friend of mine loaned me a few of his issues and after reading them, I felt compelled to write to you. While I think you could compliment the wonderful and unique content by making the magazine more visually compelling, I believe overall you have a winner. I don’t know of any other place where I can get my monthly dose of comic book geek out flavor and insipid humor of Crazy Wisdom and also have a chance to think about what some of your editorials bring up. Thanks for the effort and keep up the good work. I’ll be a fan for life. 

GH: We appreciate the kind words. (the magazine folded one month later).

You guys are awesome! I haven’t had this much fun reading a magazine since…well ever! It reminds me of when I used to hang out with my friends in high school and just talk about stupid crap all day. It didn’t mean anything, but it sure was fun to do. Thanks for bringing me back to my childhood. 

GH: Well, I suppose we strive to be compared to more than lunch time conversations of high school guys, but a fan is a fan.

Clone Madness

Thanks for beating Ben Reilly into my head month after month. I think I get the point; you like him, right? Enough. Please.

GH: Ben eventually died, and so did our coverage (one or two years later).

Now that Ben Reilly is dead, Mister-Changes-His-Name-To-A-Comic-Book-Character, are you going to cry?

GH: I stopped crying a long time ago, thank you very much. While it’s true that I preferred Ben Reilly to Peter Parker, I can’t change the story they went with (yet). Fans Strike Back

Oh, your latest Oscar picks feature was priceless. You were soooo wrong!!! My friends and I were laughing so hard that Kool-Aid was coming out of our noses. Please keep opening your fat mouths and proving how stupid you all are.

GH: Just like you did?  

Hey you pain in the ass! Here’s your freaking comment. I read the first few issues and I suppose they’re okay, considering the source. I’m surprised that you and the other hacks that you call a staff had less spelling and grammatical errors than you did. Did you finally get a proof reader or were you just damn lucky?

GH: Damn lucky.

Once again I wasted 3 bucks on this piss poor excuse of a rag when I could have purchased something worthwhile. You all deserve to eat the corn out of my crap!

GH: Proof positive that we will print any letter of comment. Keep ‘em coming!New Gray Haven Magazine 

General Compliments

“Great Job! Before you know people will start advertising on your web-site and you will be rich and you can retire and have a laptop and just

sit at your beach house and write and smoke cigarettes and sip pina coladas.” “I just looked at www.grayhavenmagazine.com. Looks nice.” “I took a look at the web site, looks good. I hope it gets a lot of attention. I'll keep an eye out for talented writers!” “I just took a look at your site... it looks good... throw something on the music section! I play bass, and hang out with a lot of different bands and musicians, so I'm always interested in what people are listening to!” “Good to have you back, You friggin Retards!” “Waaaahooooooo!! Welcome back bro. Good to have the old Haven back in the house. Site looks good so far. Only problem is, unlike the zine, I can't read this on the can.” “Hey you! What a great job you have done!!!! I am so impressed with all your talents, singing, playing, writing, reading, and now webmastering!!! You never cease to amaze me!!! I'll get you some stuff soon, maybe we could get some homemade MP3 files and put a music room on the site, too!” “Informative. Well put together. Lack of spelling and grammar mistakes. I can’t believe it’s really Gray Haven” “Comics and Poetry? I think I’ve died and gone to Heaven!” “You began with a photocopies rag, then you went live on the web…next you take over the world!!!” 

Complaints

“If I get a script error one more time, I’m going to put my fist through the screen. How bout fixing that ‘little’ problem. K?” “Maybe next time you promote the hell out of a new magazine on the web, you’ll be sure to have features for what you advertise! Humor? Nope, not yet. Reviews? Nope, not yet. I’ll never know if you add them eventually, because I won’t be coming back.” “Welcome….script error. Enter….script error. Short Stories…Script error. Links….script error. ‘Nuff said.” “Your poetry section sucked! Your short story section sucked! Interviews? Sucked! Your site sucks!”  

Questions

“So when is Crazy Wisdom coming back? Let me know so I can read with an empty stomach?" They're back with this issue. Hope you didn’t eat anything. “Why do I always get a script error?" I don’t know. We’re working on the problem now. It seems to only happen using certain browsers. I’d suggest using a different internet service or being patient. All will be resolved soon. “Any cool people lined up for interviews?" We have Terry Moore this very issue. And over the next few weeks, we’ll be featuring Erik Larsen, Roberta Gregory and Jessica Abel. More are pending, so stick around. It’s going to be exciting. “How bout adding something to the review section? I love the interviews with the comic book professionals and was hoping you’d have reviews of their work." Three interviews were added with this update and we will continue with new interviews every other week. The movie reviews will be update once a week. “How do I get you guys to look at my work?" Send it in, simple as that. We’re always looking at submittals and would be happy to feature new creators of all kinds. “Cool site, man. When’s the print magazine coming out again?" We're targeting the next hard copy issue of Gray Haven to come out sometime in late October/early November. 

Direct Compliments

“Andrew, great job with the interviews. I don’t know how you manage to get so many cool people to talk to you, but keep it up. I love it!" A lot of begging. That’s the key. “The Casual Swiss is back, but where the hell is Crazy Wisdom, and can they stay wherever they are? I need more Swiss!!!” “Gracie Martell and Carrie Michael had some of the best poems that I’ve ever read, or at least that I ever read online. Please beg them to continue writing. Their styles are very different, but I love them both." Carrie's back, Gracie is missing in action. We want her back, too and we’ll offer a prize to whoever can find her. “Andrew, you talk about the stories and scripts and comic books….where the hell is your writing? Didn’t you used to write short stories for the print magazine? I know you do more than interviews." Yes, I do more than interviews. I’ve added some reviews to my bag of tricks, and I’ll be putting some of my own stories on the site very soon. “We are not a Smoldering Flame was incredible. I haven’t been this touched by a poem in a very long time, and I’m not a very emotional person. I’m glad that, regardless of your sarcasm and joking around, you are putting some quality work on this site. Keep up the good work."' Smoldering Flame’ is actually in the running for a poetry award outside of this site. Check out www.poetry.com for more great work. “Adam, Gracie, and Wednesday’s poetry…pretty interesting stuff. But are you guys just looking for darker material or can we have a little fun, too?" Check out the other poems for more lighthearted, or less ‘gothic’ work. “I enjoyed reading The Casual Swiss’ stories but came to a realization…Is that an anthology or just coincidences that characters with the same names appear in his work?" No coincidence. His stories are part of an overall larger narrative, but there is no time line for the stories. Read and enjoy for now. It’ll all make sense in the end. “I love twist endings like the ones from Henry Quintero and Mike Yaremko. Please keep adding more of these to your short story sections." I love twist endings, too. But we’re not telling everyone to only send shock stories. We hope the site will have something for everyone to enjoy. “Miss You Much” by Mike Yaremko reminded me so much of an experience I had a few years back with some buddies. And I still feel the pain from the experience. Cool story. Mike, are you from NO, by any chance?” “Private Beaches was incredible. Carrie Michael shows a real talent with her storytelling. It isn’t often that someone can write poetry and tell a solid, visual story, but she managed to do both. That is an accomplishment! The story itself reminded me of my own relationship with someone who was like a grandmother to me, but not a blood relative. Thank you for helping to bring those memories back.” “I read the letters first, and then went back to read Scott Moyer’s column. He deserved every scathing letter he received. I’d suggest psychological help.” “HC Powell’s column hit the nail on the head. I made my boyfriend read it after I stopped laughing so hard. And he wonders why I don’t want to go to comic conventions with him.” “Regarding HC Powell’s story about comic conventions. I don’t read comics and have never been to any type of comic or science fiction convention. Is that what they’re really like or did she take creative liberties with the stories?" She actually toned it down a bit. The real story is a lot scarier.

 

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