In the world of
What's The Use Of Being Sober?
by The Jester
So here it is, the
smack down from the Rev. J, minister of the Second Church of What’s
Happenin’ Now (apologies to the late great Flip Wilson). Andy demanded
this column on rather short notice I fear it makes less sense than
I was trying to
think of a topic to no avail, and thought we’d discuss what you guys
want from yet another column. The proper street creds to talk about
comics and movies aren’t hanging on my wall, nor do we need another
deep thinking kind of guy/gal Those that do that in their columns do it
well; besides you’re at work most of the time when you guys read this
stuff, how deep into life do you want to get while swilling coffee and
doing what ever else people with decent honest jobs do? Being knee deep
in shit is bad as it is. Nor should this turn into one of those
“listen about my life” jobbies. I’m not very interesting, I assure
So after each
option was ruled out, the only thing that I could think of was to
attempt an agony column. That’s old fashioned for dear Abby type
advice givin’ or for you wee chillin’ think DR Laura, but not as
much as a bitch.
Having access to
the wondrous sciencetastic facilities at the CWMUCD, I’ll take your
problems and troubles about your boss, your job, your boss’ job, love
woes etc. to the proper historical figure and relay back to you via this
space. Anyone with a better idea (Go away stupid ass jester –isn’t
an idea) can let us know about it and we’ll go about givin’ back the
love with the best damn column ever.
Since there is
still space left I heard a funny story today, that no doubt, some of you
will find non apropos, you are advised at this point to waste no haste
in clicking this: www.thebible.com
and begin a more wholesome way of Internetting.
Seems there were
two young lads being baby-sat upon by an older girl.
The baby-sitter was as most are, pretty mean. So instead of baby-sitting she began baby tormenting one of
the young boys, about age ten.
At that age us guys
turn our attention to our wangs as they begin waking from the long
slumber of preadolescence and start the journey towards manosity. So as
you may remember or imagine it’s a rather touchy subject (no pun
So anywise this
baby sitter proceeds to hammer this kid with insult after insult. “You
have no Willie.” “The Willie is small” “you are a girl and not a
boy since your Willie isn’t in existence” and so on and so forth.
Several hours later she grew tired (the cocaine was wearing off)
and lay upon the couch to watch TV and await the end of her sitting
Our hero and his
wounded pride saw this sign of weakness and he crept closer and closer
until he was within range of vengeance! Once he was looking down at her
from above and she looking up to him from her position of unreadiness,
from weakness, both moral and spiritual.
He dropped his pants and began to slap her face with his budding
Wang. Beating her and screaming, “I got one! Now you know I have
one!” “You like that!
Huh bitch!!” This went on for some time since she was paralyzed with
fear and her other ward near death from laughing.
I guess if there is
a moral to this story, it’s if you haven’t gotten smacked in the
face with a flesh pipe you’re having a good day.