In the world of
black and white,
there is . . .







Hamburglar's Eye View

He Read/She Read

Rants in E Minor

I'm Rubber, You're Glue...

What Does It All Mean?

Hairy Gravy                         What's The Use Of Getting Sober?

Guest Column









Art Gallery


Original Material








Message Board




email a friend
about us



What's The Use Of Being Sober?

by The Jester

So here it is, the smack down from the Rev. J, minister of the Second Church of What’s Happenin’ Now (apologies to the late great Flip Wilson). Andy demanded this column on rather short notice I fear it makes less sense than usual.

I was trying to think of a topic to no avail, and thought we’d discuss what you guys want from yet another column. The proper street creds to talk about comics and movies aren’t hanging on my wall, nor do we need another deep thinking kind of guy/gal Those that do that in their columns do it well; besides you’re at work most of the time when you guys read this stuff, how deep into life do you want to get while swilling coffee and doing what ever else people with decent honest jobs do? Being knee deep in shit is bad as it is. Nor should this turn into one of those “listen about my life” jobbies. I’m not very interesting, I assure you.

So after each option was ruled out, the only thing that I could think of was to attempt an agony column. That’s old fashioned for dear Abby type advice givin’ or for you wee chillin’ think DR Laura, but not as much as a bitch.

Having access to the wondrous sciencetastic facilities at the CWMUCD, I’ll take your problems and troubles about your boss, your job, your boss’ job, love woes etc. to the proper historical figure and relay back to you via this space. Anyone with a better idea (Go away stupid ass jester –isn’t an idea) can let us know about it and we’ll go about givin’ back the love with the best damn column ever.

Since there is still space left I heard a funny story today, that no doubt, some of you will find non apropos, you are advised at this point to waste no haste in clicking this: and begin a more wholesome way of Internetting.

Seems there were two young lads being baby-sat upon by an older girl.  The baby-sitter was as most are, pretty mean.  So instead of baby-sitting she began baby tormenting one of the young boys, about age ten. 

At that age us guys turn our attention to our wangs as they begin waking from the long slumber of preadolescence and start the journey towards manosity. So as you may remember or imagine it’s a rather touchy subject (no pun intended).

So anywise this baby sitter proceeds to hammer this kid with insult after insult. “You have no Willie.” “The Willie is small” “you are a girl and not a boy since your Willie isn’t in existence” and so on and so forth.  Several hours later she grew tired (the cocaine was wearing off) and lay upon the couch to watch TV and await the end of her sitting duties.

Our hero and his wounded pride saw this sign of weakness and he crept closer and closer until he was within range of vengeance! Once he was looking down at her from above and she looking up to him from her position of unreadiness, from weakness, both moral and spiritual.  He dropped his pants and began to slap her face with his budding Wang. Beating her and screaming, “I got one! Now you know I have one!”  “You like that! Huh bitch!!” This went on for some time since she was paralyzed with fear and her other ward near death from laughing.

I guess if there is a moral to this story, it’s if you haven’t gotten smacked in the face with a flesh pipe you’re having a good day.

See Ya’!

Copyright©2001 The Jester