In the world of
-by Steve Wozny
It is 5:45pm
on a Friday evening. Beer bottles roll slowly across a hardwood floor.
best actor of all time!
what if, and I stress ifÖyou had to replace him with someone else?
mean another actor?
you, of course with another actor.
Canít do it.
just for the Star Wars trilogy.
gimmie some time to think about it.
Quaid could be Han Solo.
know something? Youíre a fucking moron!
the hell did that come from?
Because every fucking question you ask me, you answer it yourself.
canít help it that youíre a slow motherÖ
Moore for Princess Leia.
got nice tits.
Theyíre friggin great!
suck on em?
is soo stupid. You know I didnít!
making a point. What are you doing
his shoulders. Bob enters the room and Joe and Stan remain silent, almost
falling asleep. Bob walks past Joe
and Stan and makes his way into the kitchen. He opens the refrigerator door,
looks around and slams it shut. Bob leaves the kitchen and continues back into
the living room where Joe and Stan are sprawled across futons.
Bob: Did you
fuckers drink all the beer?
Stan: Yeah, did you?
then I guess we didÖ
itís not our fault.
Bob: I know,
someone came into our place and drank all the beer! Do you ever hear a word I
you say something?
his head, exits and re-enters the room. Did you fuckers drink all the beer?
about that question didnít you understand?
part about how much beer is left.
Joe: And how
much beer you were bringing back. (high fives Stan).
Bob: F the
both of you! (He leaves the apartment, slamming the door behind him.)
Joe: Why do
we always fuck around with Bob so much?
(laughing) I guess because it pisses him off.
Joe: I gotta
you working this summer?
donít know. I might give sperm.
it pays like 75 bucks a load.
Stan: So you
get paid and spent all in one day!
(laughing) Yeah, you get paid to shoot your load.
Stan: And it
pays seventy five bucks?
Thatís what I said. You going?
right! What are you doing tomorrow?
gonna watch Chips.
sucks. Knight Rider is much better.
up. Iím tired of talking.
you going to fall asleep?
Joe: I guess
so, if it happens.
someone knocking at the door?
think someone is knocking at the door.
Joe: Is that
what you heard?
opens and Paul enters the room.
Didnít you guys get off your asses yet?
should we? We have cable.
are you guys going to get a job and a life?
beer stops being made and cable goes off.
canít believe the two of you!
Paul, what are you doing tonight?
Paul: I was
thinking about going to the Bullís Eye.
Stan) Are Anne and Sandy coming over later on?
Because they want to go out.
know, tell me about it. Whatís for dinner?
going to the Four Seasons.
girl from class. Kim.
(laughing slightly then leaning over to Joe) Dates cost that much these days?
need to get out more.
Joe: Why? We
can go anywhere we want.
both have very warped thinking. See ya!
guyís just jealous!
wants our life, but knows he canít have it.
any new CDs?
some hi-fi stuff that sounds cool. No words.
know, like synthesizers and computers. That kind of shit.
can you listen to music without words?
telling you, itís good.
Stan: It has
to be boring.
there ainít no words.
hear of Beethoven and Mozart? They didnít sing dipshit!
Stan a CD) Put it on track 2.
the CD into the boom box and presses playÖAfter about ten minutes of
is pretty good. Itís like some kind of slowed down techno music. Itís almost
psychedelic. Did you talk to Sandy today?
about ten minutes on the net. She was pissed off.
I didnít have lunch with her.
Fucking women! All they want is everything!
calling in for some Chinese food, want some?
for the phone and proceeds to call and order the Chinese food.
Tough-man competition on tonight at eight.
want egg foo or pork friend rice?
that two egg foo youngs and two pork fried rice entrees.
Tough-man or Die Hard tonight?
Joe: On pay
do you care, itís fucking free?
Joe I know,
I just like to see how much Iím saving.
black box is a gold mine.
free cable. What a blessing.
Copyright©2000 Steve Wozny